I've Been Stagged

Four Versions

[INTRO]

Too many choices mean serious stagnation.

Serious stagnation means “I’ve Been Stagged.”

Well gather ‘round, y’all, and hear my tale—

My chooser’s broke, it tends to fail.

Too many choices make me wail …

Next thing you know—I’ve done been STAGGED!

[VERSE 1]

One choice? I shine like a pound of gold.

Two choices? Fine, I'm smooth and bold.

But three? I’m sweatin’ like a hog,

Four choices fill my brain with smog.

[VERSE 2]

Six choices pop—my thinker cracks,

My “picker” goes right off the tracks.

My noggin stalls, my wheels get snagged,

And I just stand there lookin’ stagged.

[CHORUS]

I’ve been STAGGED, oh I’ve been STAGGED!

My chooser’s busted, my gears all lagged.

Give me ONE good choice. That's my plan. —

But too many? I just can't stand!

[solo]

[VERSE 3]

Back in school, I dated fourteen—

Beauties straight from a movie scene.

Smart ones, fun ones, sweet ones, whoa—

Too many gals and I froze like snow.

[VERSE 4]

Dance night came ‘round, I lost my nerve,

My courage took a hard swerve curve.

Stayed home alone, dreams all jet-lagged—

That’s when I learned I’d been STAGGED.

[CHORUS]

I’ve been STAGGED, oh I’ve been STAGGED!

My chooser’s busted, my gears all lagged.

Give me ONE good choice and I’m your man—

But too many? I just can't stand!

[BRIDGE]

Now I’m forty-six, still flyin’ solo,

Lookin’ for love from here to Oslo.

Just gimme ONE gal—one choice only—

And I’ll ride tall, no more bein’ STAGGED!

[OUTRO]

So if life hands you options wide,

Just pick one horse and take that ride.

But me? Six choices? my brain's gagged …

Oh Lordy, Lordy—I’ve been STAAAAGGED!